When I Doubt His Love

When I doubt his love

When my Love seems far away

When his gentle touch I cannot feel

When my heart, alone it longs

For me his voice to hear

 

I look through our old photographs

Through fondly journaled memories

I meet with friends who love him too

And my heart is warmed

by the fire of our recollections.

 

In those pages, pictures, stories

I remember with a smile

And a sigh of relief

The days I knew He loved me so

Proofs of delight listed miles upon miles

Upon miles upon miles.

 

He has not changed.

 

We are one.

Have I forgotten?

He is closer than my own soul.

Question his love, commitment, intentions?

A more foolish doubt, I’ll never know.

 

What a sweet gift

This love that answers my fears with more Love.

A protective father’s love.

That answers my doubts with more Love.

A faithful king’s love.

That answers my pains with more Love.

A powerful Lord’s love.

 

He steadfastly pursues my affection

He never left my side.

He’s not done a single thing to earn this mistrust

Yet he patiently resides

in my insecure heart.

While I question and miss his presence,

A presence that is more real than my own.

In my once wicked-now perfected- heart that he chooses to call his little home.

 

A Break-Up Song of Sorts

 

A thousand lessons learned,

absolutely forever changed.

Grace of God please work

through all the joys and all the pain. 

Let us trust that you are good,

You are working, you can heal.

Keep us far from bitterness, 

and at your throne please let us kneel. 


You are always worthy of our praise.


You are holy-our lives are but a breath.

You love us deeply-and saved our souls from death.

You graciously give the peace of knowing Truth.

Please keep us loving, trusting, seeking only you.

Please keep us satisfied with you.


You weep with those who weep,

And you morn with those who morn.

You knew this trial we’d face

Before we were, or time was born.

You have purposed all our days

For your glory and your name.

As your children we have hope

And are free from guilt or shame.


You are always worthy of our praise.


You are holy-our lives are but a breath.

You love us deeply-and saved our souls from death.

You graciously give the peace of knowing Truth.

Please keep us loving, trusting, seeking only you.

Please keep us satisfied with you.


Work out your good in us

Though I don’t understand

In your grace, reveal to us,

Your perfect purpose and your plans.

But even if you don’t

And I never see the why.

I’ll cling to your character-

Your love can’t be denied.


You are always worthy of our praise.


You are holy-our lives are but a breath.

You love us deeply-and saved our souls from death.

You graciously give the peace of knowing Truth.

Please keep us close-abiding, seeking

Keep us joy-desiring, seeking

Keep us spirit-guiding, seeking you.  


A Little Poem of Thanks

I should have, could have, and would have been

purposeless,

alone,

my own selfish deity.

 

Completely without hope beyond this age,

Your ENEMY

Destined to a life a cyclical misery.

 

Undeserving.

Impatient.

Disobedient.

Unkind.

 

YET. Out of all the rebellious hearts of stone,

you breathed life into mine.

 

I can live to bring you praise.

There is purpose for my days.

You’ve taken all my shame,

so your glory I’ll proclaim.

My eyes are opened to your grace.

I delight to seek your face.

This old creation, your made new.

 

For altering my

destiny,

identity,

and purpose,

 

Yahweh, Thank You.

Checking Jesus Out at the Door

Don’t you hate it when you realize that you just checked Jesus out at the door?

No I don’t mean “oh hey Christ-looking good”-that’s just weird,

I mean when you ignore him-thinking something else will satisfy you more.

 

You talk to him, cry with him, learn of his goodness while sitting at his feet,

And then all of a sudden your cell phone rings, it’s time to go

There’s someone more important to meet.

 

And though you know He is the only one who truly knows you, and time ignoring him is a waste

You’ll spend hours of your day, living and thinking as if he doesn’t exist

Only when it’s convenient actually seeking his face.

 

And I hate this about me, and I’m sure you hate it about you.

Why can’t I embrace and live the reality of a relational omnipresent God

Instead of just being who I want to be and doing what I want to do.

 

I don’t want hours to go by when I don’t even think of Him.

I don’t want to make decisions or have conversations without His input

Thinking that my own worldly wisdom can do on a whim.

 

Because frankly, I’m an idiot. Forgetful, sluggish, weak-just to name a few.

And so when I depend on my own strength and understanding

I just make a mess of things or can never follow things through.

 

And every time I do that, every time he isn’t a part of my convo, evening, or plan

I know I’ve just squandered an opportunity to experience true delight and flourishment

Instead wasting heart and effort on what? The approval of sinful, mortal man?

 

So I have to constantly realign my sin-soaked, selfish heart, my wandering focus and  my gaze

And when I’m in the word, I have to plead to the Holy Spirit

to help me keep His glory and majesty present every minute of every day.

 

Because the truth is that the best, happiest, fulfilled we’ll ever be the side of glory

Is when we are steadfast in knowing, showing, devoting, delighting, proselytizing, obeying, appreciating, consecrating,

and resting in the beauty of our God and the grace of his gospel story.

 

(This poem started as a rap because I have a secret desire to be a rapper for  a day…but it is much harder than I originally anticipated! Also, I am rhythmically challenged so this little poem is just going to have to do!)

A Parable Based Poem (Luke 14:28-32)

There is so much to research

When making decisions

So many options to weigh.

We don’t just go and do,

Decide and like

First we search all night and all day.

Before buying a house

We research our credit score,

Get our mortgage preapproved

See what we can afford.

We save for down payments

And review closing costs

All before our first bid,

So no money is lost.

We perseverate.

We investigate.

We deliberate-

We do not quickly decide.

An investment as big as a house,

Should not be made in one stride.

Or imagine a king

Wishing to go off to war

“Get ready your armor”, he shouts

“Sharpen the blade of your sword”

Wait! He must wait! There is much to discuss

To debate; Premeditate.

Before the battle-is a must.

Would he not first sit down and meet round a table

Discussing their chances of woe?

Would he not first calculate the size of each army?

Before deciding to stay or to go?

For if he does not first look

At what may be ahead

Thanks to poor calculation

His men, His Kingdom, Himself

May all soon be dead!

Now of greater importance

Than either of these things

Is the choice of WHO GOD IS

And what that choice brings.

Don’t be quick to decided,

Give your life or

Say your prayer.

Understand the risk,

Understand the cost,

And then go on from there.

“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” ― A.W. Tozer