With this unexpected Snow Day, I’m able to spend a little extra time today doing something I love to do-laundry! Just kidding, I mean writing! (But I am also doing laundry! *pats self on back*). So I figured I would take this opportunity to share with you something God has been teaching me. Here goes:
I am not strong.
I used to think that I was, oh yes. On my own, me, Betty, I used to think that I was a strong, naturally faith-filled woman, and that I could overcome anything that comes my way because I am just so forgiving/wise/kind/what have you. Now I would have never said that out loud! Heavens no! I can’t let my prideful arrogance rear its slightly-unattractive-because-i-wouldn’t-even-really-want-to-call-it-ugly head. I’ll tell people, and even try and convince myself that I am just depending on God for all my various trials in life. It’s not my strength-it’s His! But how could that be? I clearly depended on myself for strength-because who’s happiness was I investing in? Mine. Whose wisdom was I seeking? Mine. Whose plan was I trying to follow? Mine. The way I lived (and sometimes still live) my daily life definitely reflected that I clearly depended on me.
The older I get, the more ridiculous I realize this is. The more I let myself down, and lead myself astray after I make a decision on my own-I realize, that actually…
i am very, very weak in mind, body, and spirit, and that left to my own devices, i make foolish, self-centered decisions. i am not wise on my own. i am not naturally forgiving, insightful, or kind. When i turn to worldly “wisdom” or look into my heart (read: deceitful, wicked, foolish heart) I end up in a mess.
The truth is that THE ONLY TIME I HAVE ANY STRENGTH, ANY FAITH, OR CAN OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLE WITH GRACE, WISDOM, OR PEACE IS WHEN CHRIST IS RULING AND REIGNING IN MY LIFE. I need Him to change my affections, my desires, and my outlook on life every single day. I literally can do nothing good apart from Him. I need Him every hour.
My pride keeps me from acknowledging this desperate need for God. I want to think that I can last a few days on my own-and then run to Him to have Him “fill up my tank” again, and then off I go until I need Him again next week. Realizing that I actually need Him every moment because I am so weak and unselfsustainable makes me uncomfortable at first-I feel like I’m this girl ———–>
…so dependent and needy! Can’t I be just fine on my own for a while? I want to be strong and independent! Need God every moment? Uh…isn’t that a bit much?
No. No it’s not. Because I am weak. When I don’t cling to Him-I fail. For I am so incredibly weak apart from my Savior. So I’ll admit my constant need for Him and I will boast in that, because HIS POWER is seen and rightfully worshipped as STRONG and BEAUTIFUL in my ridiculous weakness.
I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.
I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.
I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.
I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.
I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son.